Introduction: What If We Didn’t Have to Pretend We Were Okay?

In much of mainstream American culture, we are taught to value independence. When something is wrong, we are often encouraged to keep it private, leave our problems at the door, and “turn the frown upside down.” We learn to present ourselves as though everything is fine, even when it isn't.

I believe that can be deeply unhealthy.

One of the teachings I have appreciated most in Ojibwe culture—and one I know is shared by many Indigenous cultures—is a different approach to adversity: If you have a problem, bring it into the community. We will share the load.

That teaching offers an important lesson not only about Ojibwe culture, but about what it means to build healthy individuals, families, and communities. We are not meant to face every hardship alone.

When Life Gets Hard, Pick Up Your Axe

There is an Ojibwe teaching that can be understood through the image of a bramble in your path: When there is a bramble in your life, pick up your axe.

It is a metaphor for adversity. When something difficult stands in your way, you don't simply pretend it isn't there. You take action.

But the axe represents more than individual strength. It also represents the ways we have been given to navigate difficulty together.

It is one thing to say that a community is communal. It is another thing to demonstrate what that means when someone is hurting.

Being communal means showing up.

It means recognizing that hardship is part of life and that none of us should have to carry it entirely by ourselves.

We Don't Have to Check Our Problems at the Door

I have experienced deaths in my own family, and those experiences have deepened my appreciation for the ways Ojibwe culture helps people navigate grief.

Recently, I went to our ceremonial drum and received a ceremony called Wiping the Tears.

In earlier times, mourning could be expressed through charcoal placed on the face and through changes in one's appearance and grooming. These practices communicated that a person was grieving and that this was not a time for vanity.

I remember a story about a man whose son had died. He reached a point where he said he wanted nothing to do with the ceremonies, the drum, or the traditional ways.

The people around him did not simply let him walk away.

They took him by the hand, brought him back to his place, and asked him to continue with life. They reminded him that sometimes bad things happen to good people.

They washed the charcoal from his face. They combed and re-braided his hair. They brought him gifts and surrounded him with support.

Warriors sang and danced around the drum and around him. They wiped his tears and marked the places where his tears had fallen. After several songs, they lifted him up and brought him back into the circle.

Then they let go.

He was dancing on his own.

That final moment carried a powerful message: We will help carry you until you are ready to carry yourself again.

Healing Is Something We Do Together

I have been privileged to participate in ceremonies like this for other people. I have also been deeply honored to receive this kind of support during times of loss in my own life.

These experiences have reinforced something important for me: We are not alone.

We do not have to pretend that everything is okay when it isn't. We can acknowledge our pain. We can reach out to other people. We can lean on our relatives, friends, Elders, and community.

And we have a responsibility to be there for others so that they can lean on us.

That is what makes a community genuinely communal.

It is not enough to say that we care about one another. We have to show up.

Showing Up Is an Act of Community

There is another simple teaching that illustrates this beautifully: If someone in the community dies, you do not need to be an immediate family member to attend the funeral.

You go.

You show up because someone in your community is hurting.

You show up because grief does not belong only to the person whose name is on the obituary. It belongs to the community that surrounds them.

That kind of presence matters.

Sometimes we think we need to have the perfect words or know exactly what to say. Often, we don't.

Sometimes the most important thing we can do is simply be there.

Sit with someone. Bring food. Offer a hand. Attend the funeral. Make a phone call. Listen.

These small acts communicate something profound: You don't have to go through this alone.

Indigenous Teachings About Adversity Offer a Different Model of Strength

This approach challenges some of the strongest assumptions in mainstream American culture.

Individualism tells us that strength means handling our problems ourselves.

Ojibwe teachings remind us that strength can also mean knowing when to reach out—and being willing to carry someone else when they need help.

That doesn't make us weak. It makes us human.

A healthy community does not require people to hide their pain in order to belong. It creates space for people to acknowledge hardship and receive support while they heal.

This is one reason cultural connection matters so deeply in Indigenous communities. Language, ceremony, family relationships, traditional practices, and community responsibilities are not simply artifacts of Native American history. They are living systems of knowledge that can help people navigate life today.

The Strength of Showing Up

I have received tremendous strength from people who have shown up for me during difficult times.

I try, imperfectly, to do the same for others.

None of us will always know exactly what to say or do. We will make mistakes. We will sometimes fall short.

But we can still show up.

We can be present.

We can listen.

We can carry some of the load.

And when we do that consistently, something powerful happens. We become stronger not only as individuals, but as families and communities.

The goal is not to eliminate adversity. We cannot do that.

The goal is to make sure that when adversity comes—and it will—we don't have to face it alone.

Recommended Resources

Anton Treuer's Books

The Cultural Toolbox — A guide to cultural understanding, identity, relationships, and navigating difference.
The Language Warrior's Manifesto — An exploration of Indigenous language revitalization and the power of language to strengthen Native communities.

Anton Treuer Press Kit

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We Don’t Have to Carry Adversity Alone: Ojibwe Teachings on Community and Healing