Why Forgiveness Matters
Growing older does not automatically make us wiser. Wisdom comes from what we learn about ourselves, our relationships, and the imperfections of the people who helped shape us.
A quote from Canadian poet Alden Nowlan provides a useful way to think about that journey:
“When a child realizes that adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; when he learns to forgive them he becomes an adult; and when he learns to forgive himself he becomes wise.”
Much of growing up involves moving beyond simple judgments. We begin by seeing parents, teachers, elders, and other adults as larger-than-life figures. Eventually, we recognize that they are human beings with strengths, weaknesses, mistakes, and wounds of their own. The deeper work is learning how to hold all of that with compassion.
And then comes an even harder task: extending that same compassion to ourselves.
Seeing the Imperfections of the People Who Raised Us
For some of us, recognizing the imperfections of our parents can be difficult.
Seeing their shortcomings of others does not always come easily. But loving someone does not require pretending they are perfect.
Forgiveness does not erase the past. It does not mean that everything that happened was acceptable. Instead, forgiveness can allow us to understand people more fully—to see both their humanity and our own.
Forgiving Ourselves
Perhaps the most difficult part of the journey is forgiving ourselves.
Most of us have things we wish we had done differently. We have made mistakes. We have disappointed people. We have failed to live up to our own expectations.
It is easy to look backward and wish we had known then what we know now.
But we cannot grow if we remain permanently trapped in judgment of our younger selves.
Self-forgiveness does not mean abandoning accountability. It means recognizing that growth requires room to become a better person. We can acknowledge our mistakes without allowing them to define the entirety of who we are.
Wisdom Is a Continuing Journey
The idea in Nowlan's quote is not that we move neatly from childhood to adolescence to adulthood and then suddenly become wise.
Real life is much messier.
We may recognize someone's imperfections in one part of our lives and only learn to forgive them years later. We may forgive another person while still struggling to forgive ourselves. We may make progress and then discover another layer of work waiting for us.
That is part of being human.
We are all still becoming.
For me, the important lesson is that wisdom is not about becoming perfect. It is about developing greater compassion, greater honesty, and a deeper ability to understand ourselves and other people.
What Forgiveness Can Teach Us About Community
This understanding also connects to Indigenous approaches to relationships, community, and healing.
In many Indigenous traditions, people are understood through their relationships—with family, community, ancestors, future generations, the natural world, and the Creator. We do not become fully ourselves in isolation.
That means healing is rarely an entirely individual process.
The same compassion we need for ourselves can help us extend understanding to parents, relatives, colleagues, students, and community members. In Indigenous education, this relational understanding is especially important. Young people need adults who recognize that everyone is still learning and growing.
When we create space for people to acknowledge mistakes, repair relationships, and continue growing, we create healthier communities.
We Are All Still Growing
We all have plenty of work to do.
But that is not a reason for despair. It is an invitation to keep growing.
We can recognize the imperfections of the people who raised us. We can appreciate the good they gave us. We can acknowledge the ways they fell short. We can forgive them.
And then we can turn that same compassion inward.
Perhaps wisdom is not the absence of mistakes. Perhaps it is the ability to understand our mistakes, learn from them, forgive ourselves, and keep moving forward.
We are all in the process of growing up.
And we are all capable of becoming wiser.